Occasionally through the years, in moments of contemplation, I've thought about how an individual’s life might be different from the one they have, based on circumstantial changes in their activities, events, residences, other variables, earlier in their life. What if, at various times, anywhere along the way, the twists and turns of choices and changes affecting them were made in directions other than the ones they did experience, thus leading to different outcomes or destinations?
I don't think about this for myself, generally, from a sense of regret. I think about it more from a standpoint of curiosity. I wonder how others view that question? I've thought, wouldn't life be interesting if we could just put on hold whatever our existence was at a given time. Then, we could go off on an alternate route, full well knowing we could come back to the place we were before, then resume life where we left off.
As for myself, I experienced events at five or six years of age I would like to have avoided on both a personal and family level. One that comes to mind is having the spokes of a moving bicycle wheel, over which I was sitting behind the rider’s seat, become entangled with my foot. The wheel spokes penetrated my ankle, though thankfully left me with only a large scar present yet today. What if... I hadn’t tried to find a foot rest for my dangling little legs, but instead caught my foot in those bicycle spokes?
What if, some other changes, experiences, relocations, in my life hadn't occurred? For example, what if... I had grown up in my birth city? What if... my birth family had remained intact? What if... my mother had not had some of the medical problems she developed? What if... I had been able to continue my music, dancing classes, attend the private university to which I aspired? What if... I had never lived for a few years in the country with my primary companion, nature? What if... I hadn't had to give away my dog when we moved?
What if... I had been allowed to accept the offer to ride a horse in an annual special western parade in a new state to which we had just moved? What if... a generous family member hadn’t offered to loan me the money to attend college in a day when scholarships were limited, student loans unavailable? What if... I hadn't made what seemed like foolish mistakes on occasion? What if... I hadn't had those instances in speaking when I "put my foot in my mouth"? What if... I hadn’t met some of the people I’ve met, or I had met some others I didn’t meet? What if... so many more "what ifs" that I could mention.
There is one interesting observation I've made over the years whenever I’ve heard most people engage in "What if...?" speculation. Invariably, whatever the past event or previous experience about which they are speculating, their assumption is, the result would have turned out better for them, "If only ...?"
Would my life have been better “if only…”? I wonder, do others ever consider the possibility the consequences just might have been worse when they envision their “What if…” and "If only..."scenario?
This occurs to me on a daily basis, usually more than once a day. I acknowledge it while recognizing that there are no do-overs, and that if all of those choices hadn't been made as they were then I wouldn't be who I am. Still, one wonders.
ReplyDeleteYou got this one right, Joared. I think all of us do this frequently, and the obvious answer has to be that had we made different choices (or had them made for us) there is no guarantee that we would find ourselves in an appreciably better situation.
ReplyDeleteI think we are led to experience certain things in life. We may get there differently, but the paths taken all lead to the same result.
Ha! I just got this in email:
ReplyDelete"If we don't change the direction we are headed, we'll end up where we're going."
Chinese proverb
I often wonder what path my life would have taken if certain choices had been made or NOT made.
ReplyDeleteFortunately,I married a great guy so I don't wonder about former boy friends.
What I DO think about is this. My great regret is knowing that there are people whom I would really love and who would love me and my family and I have never met them. And probably never will meet them. And the saddest part is that they live within 5 miles or so of me and still, I will never know them.Our paths simply do not cross due to fate or chance. I miss them.
I have had so many "what if" situations in my life that there's not enough space here to list them.
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting post! One wonders what if... so often.
ReplyDeleteThere isn't any way of knowing though, is there?
I probably think more about what ifs than if onlys because it seems futile thinking 'if only'. My biggest what if is 'what if I wasn't a mum?'
ReplyDeleteI've had a few "what if" moments...but mostly since I've been older. I think I was just too busy on my path to make life work for me and my family when I was younger. I'm a strong believer in fate...and the lessons learned by it.
ReplyDeleteI have often considered "what if", Jo. Not only the choices I made but the choices made for me. I remind myself that "the past is a bucket of ashes" and that "a life lived without regret is a life not lived."
ReplyDeleteMy life has been lived and yeah, I have regrets but I can't dwell on them and I keep on keepin' on.
I've had a few "what ifs," but also feel that we get pushed into the direction were are supposed to go. Had I not been "pushed" into a job I endured for nine years, I would not be having the fun I am now. Maybe there is something to that saying, "Go with the flow!"
ReplyDeleteI think about this kind of thing a lot. The serendipity of meeting certain people and not meeting others. You will just never know what you missed. I have some sadness about it, so I try not to think about it too much.
ReplyDeleteThis was an interesting topic. I have things that I wish I'd done differently for sure but then wonder if I had what else would have happened and would that have actually been better. I try to live in the moment but it's hard not to have regrets and think if only
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your comments. I'm planning to address this topic further in a future post as you each made some very interesting observations.
ReplyDeleteI've come back to see what everyone else said. This is one of the most interesting parts of blogging to me - being able to go back and compare notes, so to speak.
ReplyDelete