CORTEX KINKS -- For What It's Worth

Our human brains all look pretty much alike as you can see here.

While this picture is a view of the brain interior allowing us to see many of the critical inside parts. What we do not see are all the many neural connections (neurons, synapses, dendrites) that enable function. My purpose for showing the picture of the brain here is simply to make note of the fact that the ordinary cortex or brain has wrinkles. You can see some of the same wrinkles in this picture of the whole cortex here.

My point is that this post may actually be an example of what I produce when I get "kinks in my cortex." In fact, anything that seems unusual to me in terms of my so-called "normal" way of functioning, whether in actions, or in my spoken or written words, I characterize as being due to the fact I have developed a sudden "cortex kink," since wrinkles are already generously present. But then, so are these "cortex kinks," since we all have times, sooner or later, when we wonder why we feel the way we do, or why we said or did something so completely out of our character.

I consider I have a "cortex kink" when my state of mind finds me feeling discouraged, depressed, or all those other euphanisms and cliches we use when we say, "I'm having a bad day," "It's a blue Monday," "I'm in a funk," "I'm feeling down," "I'm dragging," along with a multitude of other sayings, I'm sure. When I have those kinds of feelings, I come up with cute quick little comments to others for brushing off my "droopy" disposition, usually with a smart sharp upbeat tone of voice, even with a smile on my face which most see, that quite belies my actual emotional state. I always liked that Broadway musical show business song Ethel Merman belted out many years ago with lyrics including these:

"There{'re}'s no people like show people ... they smile when they are blue..."

You see, I tend to believe that if I act how I want to feel, that I'll begin to feel as I'm actually behaving. And, you know what? Quite often that actually happens.

On the other hand, I've also found that sometimes I need to go to the depths of how badly I'm feeling, just kinda wallow around in the muck for awhile; let all those insecurities, anxious feelings have their way with me, then somehow I find myself letting go of all that.

Subjecting others in depth to all that mess, here, as I'm doing a bit superficially without revealing specifics, can only occur for me with a very select few others, but ideally not too frequently. A friend and I generally have very positive interesting interactions and conversations. There was a period when we thought our lives had gotten into such unabated turmoil we found our conversations becoming increasingly negative. We determined we had to establish timelines and guidelines before "unloading" -- one absolute was that one of us had be in a relatively "up mood" or the other couldn't "dump." I recall our needing to change the topic only once, when I said, "I can't handle any more right now." I don't think she ever had to do that with me, which, of course, could bring up another whole set of questions, about whether or not I was lacking as a support person, or if, in fact, I had more with which to cope than she did, but I'm not going to go there.

Well, anyway, anyone else reading this will get the idea that from time to time if they visit this blog they may encounter posts I've written while having experienced or experiencing a "cortex kink." Not all such "kinks" are negative. In fact, remember, anything judged to be outside the ordinary behavior of an individual, might well be considered as such a "kink."

For example, I'm inclined to think the occasion many years ago when I spontaneously answered a business phone with a flippant "What's up, Doc?" was caused by a "cortex kink." Fortunately the business executive caller who I did not know, thought it was ha-ha funny and I did not even have to apologize for my lack of good behavior, though I did. Who knows, maybe he needed a tension release, as I clearly did.

Then, there was that reckless time ... but I'm sure others must have "cortex kinks," too, that perhaps can be appreciated in a different light. Thoughts of them may elicit laughter, fond happy memories, nostalgic rememberances, a deliberate avoidance of remembering, or relief the time is past.