4 YEAR BLOG ANNIVERSARY - 2010

“Along The Way” serendipitously launched onto the Internet four years ago. I continue to be genuinely appreciative of those who so generously offered their time and assistance, especially when I realized I had catapulted my blog prematurely into the blogosphere, then, quite unprepared, I chose to continue the activity.

My personal life had been significantly changed six months earlier when my husband’s health issues resulted in his sudden unexpected death. Grief’s immediate intensity for me had eventually outwardly mellowed, but my emotional vulnerability and feeling sensitivity continued at a much less obvious level to most others. The often referred to “closure,” as associated with loss, is a term of varied degree and meaning that changes over time, but is a state never fully realized, I have come to believe.

October is an especially significant month to me for many reasons that include periodic emerging memories that have caused me to give them some emphasis here.

Interspersed among my blog’s writings are a few I associate directly or indirectly with my husband. They were prompted by random thoughts of a few of my accumulated memories from our almost forty-three married years. We shared a mutual appreciation of jazz which was enhanced for me since his avocation was as a professional acoustic upright bass player. I became an even more enthusiastic listener.

Oscar Peterson’s trio was a favorite of my husband as was the regular bass player, Ray Brown. I especially recall our enjoying a small intimate live club performance. The following “You Look Good To Me” tune is presented by an unusual trio featuring pianist Peterson with double bass of both Brown and Niels Pedersen, whose jazz playing skills my husband also highly regarded. This lovely piece with bass solos is from the “Norman Granz Jazz In Montreux Presents Oscar Peterson Trio ‘77” DVD.



These past four years music audio/video inserts have selectively been incorporated into some of my writings much as this one. Certain musical artists have been my direct focus as have a few celebrities well-known in mine and earlier generations – some currently performing, others retired or deceased.

I’ve also expounded a bit on political, social, economic issues, expressing both positive and negative views depending on the subject. I’ve written about my experience adopting new digital technology, along with some of the frustrations I’ve experienced in the process. Certain activities in which I’ve engaged have been written about with accompanying videos and commentary.

My views on aging, including acceptance of natural body changes without artificial alterations, have sometimes been my focus. I’ve also shared some select personal experiences and activities from my past as well as in the present.

There have been a few written pieces in which I presented some unusual topics that reflect how my occasionally quirky thought processes sometimes wander far astray from the ordinary.

Overall, bogging has been an enjoyable experience for me. I’ve certainly enjoyed reader’s comments, reading other bloggers posts on their blog and being introduced to new bloggers.

Third Year Blog Anniversary

Three years ago I took the great leap into the blogosphere with "Along The Way." I'm giving my blog a slightly new look for the second time. Launching my blog when I did was a consequence of accidental mouse clicking, coupled with my panic at having done so and lack of technical knowledge to rectify the situation.

I had been toying with the idea of starting a blog but had already intentionally passed twice on doing so. I first thought I might start on my husband's October birthday, and later on my own but did neither because my blog was not ready. I was awaiting some future to-be-determined date. I definitely was busy making plans. That said, I am reminded of one of my favorite sayings, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

I fully expected first to acquire many new computer skills, create a unique appearing blog, shape and polish writing subject matter, establish categories about which I would write, and generally organize my blog in an orderly fashion before ever beginning publishing. Then when suddenly my blog was "out there" for all the world to see I lurched ahead. I had little idea of what I was doing but concluded the prospect of writing here was intriguing.

My technical skills were very limited as I had only started using a personal desktop computer a few months earlier. I could easily see the many attractive features I might want to adopt from various blogs I visited. My aspirations and expectations were to quickly learn how to adapt many of them for use on my own blog, but that was not as simple as I thought.

Primarily the difficulty for me was needing much more concentrated time than I had to devote to the different tasks. My expectation of coming to my computer for fifteen to twenty minute blocks daily or focusing an hour or two on acquiring more technical knowledge was not a realistic approach that worked for me. Given the events during that life period, I also had need for self-indulgent time which could waffle between extreme activity and doing nothing.

My reality was that I became what some might consider addicted to writing, of every kind. The fascination of connecting with all these interesting bloggers I had never personally met who were scattered about every U.S. State and around the world caught my attention. I enjoyed commenting on their blogs, and exchanging lengthy incredibly frequent emails with some. I can best describe my activities then, as I have before, that I was like a squirrel running madly round and round on a perpetual nonstop rotating wheel. Time to learn many technical skills could not fit into that regimen, much less allow me many instances to explore the rest of the Internet.

My periodic part time work in health care as a Speech-Language Pathologist demanded some preparation time. Though I was no longer providing inpatient and outpatient therapy in acute care hospitals, or a local rehabilitation hospital, the retirement community settings I primarily was serving could become very busy with complex therapeutic patient needs. In addition to their speech, language, voice, hearing, visual and cognitive problems, I was continuing to encounter many individuals with a wide range of eating/drinking/swallowing difficulties.

My husband's pre-mature death some five months before I started my blog was a major life adjustment for me that absorbed time in multiple ways, becoming much more complicated than I could ever have imagined. We had shared much but each of us had acquired our own niche of responsibilities that we pretty much left to one another. After his death I gradually began to encounter much he had routinely handled, for which I had then to assume responsibility. He had remarkably left information and records I found that were of great aid. There were also a multitude of "little things" of major proportion I had to ferret out on my own that erratically, but perpetually, surfaced when I least expected.

I've not recorded all my specific life ups and downs in writings over these past three years, but a glance at the archive postings frequency from one month to the next reveals a wide variation in blog post numbers. The reasons for this vary, but here are a few influencing factors. Sometimes the numbers reflect my emotional state. Other times they show how I self-imposed set publishing demands, and how, occasionally, I became disenchanted with my perceived blogging obligation, so I stopped writing.
Some other instances correlate with social activities, trips I've taken away from home, or when I've had visitors.

I have been genuinely interested in the topics about which I have written. Following that criteria I can always count on at least one reader, me, the person for whom I initially stated this blog was being written. Once again I have surprised myself with the realization as to how much I value all of you who come to read my words. You have proven over and over again what I've always believed. As much as we are all different in many ways, we are also very much the same in so many other ways. Our differences are what make life interesting for me. Our sameness is what causes me to feel a deep sense of belonging to others, such an important component for mind, body and spiritual health. Thanks to each of you for being you and sharing some of yourselves with me.

Second Blog Anniversary

"Along The Way" celebrates a second annual anniversary with a new look. I've written previously about the serendipitous manner in which this blog was started that you can read about here in my initial posts (see Oct. '06 Archives.) The appearance of ATW has recently been altered with some features I prefer and others I don't like as well when compared to my original home page format, so there will likely be more changes over time. I was finally able to add the "Proud Elderblogger" badge to my blog.

This alteration all came about because I had the benefit of my tech guru son to aid me in a quick efficient manner in adopting this new blog look. I still experience internet connectivity problems here at home, but since we were working on his computer during my recent visit to his home we could not trouble shoot further my computer's problems.

My posts have been few for some time, especially this month, and my other blogging limited for a multitude of reasons including the aforementioned internet connectivity problems. Murphy's Law about which I previously have written has continued to be operative, but since last I wrote about the Law, bad juju, bottle trees, evil spirits, hoodoo, voodoo and peacock feathers, effects have been largely restricted to my personal health arena. I guess that's an improvement over household mechanical items breaking down, too.

My health issues that emerge are always unexpected and unusual for me including weeks of dental problems that culminated in my being in a specialists office for a root canal with plenty of roots. Worst of all for me was having to hold my mouth open for two solid hours and being unable to speak. Living alone in my home with no one to whom I could talk when the mood strikes has been an adjustment these two plus years, so guess that has been good preparation for those dental hours. I once longed for more quiet and now I have all I want and then some.

Soon after the dental episode I enjoyed a trip with friends to visit their son and family in Las Vegas. Yes, I donated to the commerce there via their slots though my friends actually won enough to cover the added expense when we had to stay over an extra day because guess who apparently contracted what I'm convinced was the Norovirus. That's the virus that surfaces in large groups as has been reported on cruise ships, in nursing homes, or more recently in the student body of the Univ. of Southern California almost canceling one of their football games.

While my friends spent more time with their grandchildren and later gambling, I devoted a night and the next day and night to staggering between the bed and bath, staying hydrated, before we were able to return home the following morning. The real highlight of that trip before my upset was visiting their family, the guitarist son's music store where we attended a rehearsal of his new up and coming blues group about which I'll write later.

A Sunday following my return home I read a piece in the Los Angeles Times travel section with a colorful picture recalling to me how much I longed to once again visit the New England states during the peak of my favorite fall season when the leaves were changing color. My daughter reminded me during a phone conversation I had a few flight miles to be used and could probably find some colors I wanted at her brothers should I go there, plus they had been wanting me to visit for some time. We learned my travel had to be completed by a certain Oct. date or I would lose the miles. Coincidentally, I would celebrate my Oct. 20th birthday while there. I would need to start this trip within days. I mentioned this to my son and his wife and the next thing I knew they had convinced me I should fly to their new Great Lakes area home.

I knew from my Ohio years the Great Lakes area including their state, too, had lots of fall color with many maple trees which typically offer varying leaf shades of gold and red to contrast against the green and browns much like New England. So, my daughter I've designated as my travel agent hastily made my flight reservations. I was not disappointed and actually was present during the peak of the green leaves changing to those spectacular fall colors I viewed daily from their home's windows and during several driving trips. Yes, I have pictures, but I will likely not acquire the skill of downloading from my digital camera to my computer and then figuring out how to post to my blog until possibly if we find time when my daughter visits in December.

Of course, I had to create a bit of excitement soon after my arrival at my son's by having a huge piece of tooth break off leaving an open nerve exposure sensitive to room air as I was brushing one morning. Their dentist came to my rescue and four hours later I was good to continue enjoying the rest of my trip. This included two more October plus one December birthday celebrations, helping decorate for a Halloween storytelling event conducted by my daughter-in-law and numerous other nature activities. Life was enhanced by entertaining and being entertained by two lively cats, one of whom is clearly neurotic and has a voracious appetite that is requiring retraining.

I'm home now with no additional travel plans this year but have concluded being ready to go anywhere anytime is a wise idea. I've come home rejuvenated and am undertaking some long overdue projects I just hadn't been able to get enthusiastic about starting. I'm finally in the process of getting a new kitchen oven installed after having to replace my washer, and dryer earlier this year. There's still much to do to this house's interior.

These two and one-half years since my husband's death including the two years since starting this blog have been an emotional roller coaster ride. I've alternated between obsessive blogging and emailing to opposite periods of virtual abstinence. I've ricocheted between a sense of obligation to post here daily to resentment I had this self-imposed commitment and I sometimes became determined I would simply delete this blog once and for all.

I always seem to come back to the fact I feel a sense of connection with other bloggers here, some more so than others by virtue of the length of time I've had contact with them and the nature of our interaction. Each of you knows how your words and actions through blog comments, private emails and phone contact contributed to my comfort though you may not have realized the significance to me of your acts at the time. I cannot dismiss the fact that virtual though these relationships may be, since I've never met another blogger in person, I've experienced a special and unique support during this special time in my life. I want to express my appreciation to each of you, confident you know just how much I value you.

This year in mid-April I recall sitting at my computer one afternoon, gazing out the window with my thoughts lost in the greenery of the bushes upon which my eyes were focused. Suddenly I was aware of an inner calm deep inside my being that had previously been absent. Instantly, I knew without question my life had somehow evolved to a different state ready for further forward progression.

The unexpected episodes of a deep gnawing ache centered just below my rib cage seem to have vanished. I always have wondered what those feelings indicated when I first experienced them many years before my husband's death. They sometimes seemed associated with individuals still living but also those long dead, then became acute, sometimes overwhelming and more erratically frequent the past two years. I considered the feeling encompassed an empty hole inside me that can never be filled. I even had realized this feeling could be erroneously perceived as one of hunger, but fortunately never made the mistake of trying to fill that vacuum by excessive eating. I have concluded these feelings are associated with loss or perceived loss, but perhaps I'm wrong.

I truly don't know what this coming third year of blogging will bring. I anticipate more active participation in the blogosphere. I do look forward to whatever that may be and view the future with optimism.

Fires Overshadow Blog First Year Anniversary Celebration

Southern California fires overshadow "Along The Way" blog's first year anniversary celebration. I may share my reflective observations on this first year of blogging sometime in the future.

But my thoughts are continuing to be pre-occupied with the devastating Southern California fires. I am so familiar with many of these areas that are being ravaged. Irvine was subjected to loss, though not the Amphitheatre where I enjoyed summer concerts about which I wrote here in earlier posts. The news mention of almost every Southern California community affected by fire arouses recent or past memories of just driving through there, sometimes of time spent there, often when my husband was still living, or my children younger.

Only a few weeks ago I travelled on Interstate 15 to a class at the Escondido hospital in San Diego County, near where my long favorite Bates Brothers Nut Farm is located. Some years ago our children walked through the pumpkin patch, each finally choosing and picking their own Halloween pumpkin. Another favorite site of ours there is the nearby San Diego Zoo Wild Animal Park. Hills all around Escondido are covered with avocado trees. I've heard no news reports to the contrary so trust those locations are spared. The first days of the fires this week, the traffic had come to a complete halt on that same I15 freeway and I could well imagine the discomfort of those stuck out there.

That morning going out my front door looking north toward the mountains the sky was a brightly colored blue. Then, as I drove southward in my car, I noticed the sky had an ever so slight tannish color, much like the sky I remembered when we lived in Arizona and a dust storm was headed our way. Here in California the next morning when I left the house the northern sky remained blue as before, but the southern sky was a darker brown. The following morning, the northern sky was blue as usual, but the southern sky a darker dirty-looking brown. My voice became raspy walking a short distance from a parking lot to inside my building destination. In the afternoon, as I walked north toward my car I saw only a brownish glaze over the once blue sky as far as my eye could see in any direction. I wonder what this next day's sky will be?

Another less recent memory was four years ago when we had driven to San Diego and were grateful to have had reservations to spend the night there, when news revealed fires had arisen in the area. The flames were moving rapidly, until at one point the TV announcement was made that all routes in and out of the City were closed due to fires. We ventured to dinner at the motel's restaurant, but after returning to our room, stayed inside as cautioned, due to the the smoke-filled unhealthy air, especially debilitating for those with respiratory problems as my husband experienced. Shortly, we were startled to hear named on TV our home city in the northeast corner of Los Angeles County, accompanied by horrifying pictures of destructive fires, houses burning. Our home was not endangered, though I phoned a local friend just for reassurance. We were subjected to restricted exit routes driving home from San Diego the next day, passing burned-out blackened areas along both roadsides. We encountered a driveway full of ashes, spread about like snow, when we arrived home.

As I write this, news media focuses audio and video on mountains east of us where fires are raging in the San Bernardino County area which is -- was ? -- the location of a mountain cabin owned by a relative of dear family friends. This cabin was available to individual family group relatives to provide an opportunity for their togetherness. I felt honored to be allowed to stay there. The cabin was spared during a severe fire in the Running Springs area a few years ago, but family members think it is highly unlikely a similar survival has occurred this time. How grateful we can all be that no family members were present there, so no lives were at risk. Another nearby mountain community, called Lake Arrowhead, has experienced the loss of several hundred homes, many likely the residences of elders, but at least their lives were spared.

Then, there's a popular resort area called Big Bear that's battling fires and is the residence of a friend's sister. I haven't heard about the nearby Idyllwild community with homes scattered through a wooded area that's home to more hummingbirds than I've every seen in one location other than the San Diego Zoo bird sanctuary. I wonder what has happened to those delicate little birds up in those mountain areas? Perhaps they had gone south. Last year, I sold my husband's station wagon to a gentleman who told me they had a second home there and he planned to take it up there to be housed in a garage, especially through the winters. I think he and his wife are safe, but I find it strange that I wonder about the welfare of that vehicle, but I do.

Rehabilitation facilities such as where I provide services are receiving inquiries as to how many beds they have available. Whether or not they will actually need to be utilized is presently unknown. How that may impact the amount of time I will need to make available remains to be seen. I'm just glad my earlier medical issues which side-lined me those weeks beginning around the end of August are resolved and I'm back at work.

Almost everyone I've encountered, old and new acquaintances, neighbors, co-workers, friends, has had reason for concern about these fires. For some the issue was whether or not they could drive home after work. For others, their anxiety has been about their friends and family, or they have related stories that someone they knew had probably lost their home. At least, so far, no one I have encountered has had to experience anything beyond material loss, but that is heart-breaking, too. I feel sadness for them. My heart goes out to all who have experienced loss, including those professional workers, but especially to those injured or who have lost loved ones. The fires are not yet contained, so we don't know what may lie ahead with the capricious winds. You can be updated on the most current reports through your local media and a multitude of computer news sites.