I skipped a week writing here as some may have noticed. I simply wasn’t in the mood to write though numerous topics crossed my mind to expound on during that time.
The government, our leader and political shenanigans are beyond commentary here, falling into an almost surreal dimension. There do now seem to be a few courageous adult statespersons among those we pay to govern for the best interest of ordinary citizens who are actually attempting to do so. Time will tell.
The Super Bowl I previously wrote about continued to have decreased television viewership according to the Nielsen rating service -- signifying what -- I’m not sure -- if anything -- for the popularity of professional football.
Meanwhile, the white-capped mountains behind my home appear to have been dusted by a celestial sifter covering them with snow to an extensive degree I’ve rarely seen here. At our lower elevation we’ve been receiving one rainstorm after another interrupted by an occasional cloud separation allowing the sun to burst through, sometimes even for a day or two. This pattern will continue through the coming week, more closely resembling our typical winter weather. We’re delighted since this could mean the end of our drought conditions.
Unfortunately, further inland the Midwestern states. especially those around our Great Lakes, are being subjected to really cold temperatures, ice and snow, much like Antarctica as my family member informs me. Also, one of our Michigan blogger buddies has had power outages from severe freezing temperatures, ice on power lines causing other adverse living conditions at her home affecting water lines, indoor appliances, as she was able to briefly describe – click on link above.
* * *
CONSIDER.....LOSS SYMBOLIZES MUCH.....REMEMBERING
One recurring thought has formulated as a consequence of so many memories fluttering through my mind some nights/mornings before sleep arrives. On those occasions I find suddenly it’s morning, causing me to arise later in the day in order to get adequate sleep hours, but this upsets my day’s routine. Perhaps expressing thoughts here will put to rest some of those, generally, gentle pleasurable nighttime, but involuntary mental reminiscences. They’re partially brought on by numerous unanticipated losses in recent years narrowing the number of my close intimates remaining among the living.
I’ve begun to realize there’s more meaning to my feelings of loss than just for the individual than I might have thought would occur. Others coping with losses, too, might prefer focusing on different topics, but this is my reality which I’ve been unable to ignore as my 2019 posts may reflect -- perhaps by writing I can lessen some of my late-night thoughts.
I’ve been prompted by various events or information I’ve received to engage in some checking on some friends from whom I’ve not had contact for some time. Searching the Internet, also for various city newspapers can reveal some answers. In one instance, ways in which to contact one friend have become unusually more complicated, since how we’ve always communicated is suddenly no longer viable. So, I still await learning more about her status.
Unfortunately, I sadly just learned another friend died -- last fall. Perhaps her adult children didn’t have a password to her email account to know of our contact all these years, thus to let me know. But, a holiday letter I wrote this year was not returned, so maybe it’s been forwarded to the adult children I’ve never met and they will yet contact me. If not, at least finding her obituary on the Internet, I now know my friend’s status.
I typically don’t leave comments on those Internet public obituary sites – writing those intimate, sometimes humorous private little personal notes I might want to share only with family. I did write a blog tribute without naming my last life-long friend who died a couple years ago, but letting her family know. Her younger sister was delightedly pleased to learn from my blog some of the activities in which we engaged when young – including that we were on a dance team foursome together.
The loss I recognize feeling now, I’ve come to realize encompasses far more for me than the sense of just being associated with the increasing number of my intimates departing life in recent years. These most recent friends are the last living individuals who were part of my community in that city where I had so many significant experiences both personally, and where I began my intended TV broadcasting career as a young single woman, then later my early married life.
Each of several preceding years one friend or another died, culminating now with everyone gone from there except for the remaining uncertainty about one friend’s s status. There’s no one left who remembers “when” ... with whom so much was shared that no one else would know .... a strange awareness there’s no one left with whom to exchange memories -- almost like losing part of my life!
I’ve come to realize this also seems like a separation from this particular city and state – a place symbolizing so much significance in my life – that absent these friends presence, no longer would I have that sense of returning home there. In fact, with no one left in that state of my birth, except a couple distant relatives with whom contact long ago ended, I’m left feeling quite separated.
These feelings aren’t overwhelming by any means, or depressing – they just are – perhaps a melancholy -- an aspect of my life long taken for granted that is ceasing to exist. Never had it occurred to me such a severance would ever become true. In a way we lose bits and pieces of ourselves little by little and ultimately our bodies follow.
No doubt some of you may have had similar feelings attached to your own experiences with particular people, places and life – losses of one type or another resulting in your being the only one left to remember.