Have these coronavirus days brought on the doldrums for me? Doldrums are described in Google quotes as "a state or period of inactivIty, stagnation -- a spell of listlessness or despondency, blues -- a state of bafflement, quandary".
I think of being in the doldrums as less than being depressed -- perhaps just a matter of degree. I'm wondering if that might describe my state of being? One of the manifesting symptoms for me is I haven't been blogging as much. My sleep patterns have been topsy turvy, but is that because I'm in the doldrums or am I in the doldrums because of my sleeping issues?
Also, I wonder has the vagrant continuing to periodically violate my property I've previously written about here triggered my subconscious self to heightened alertness levels upsetting my sleep? Even though consciously I am not fretting about possible concerns given my security measures, has this ultimately evolved into my developing the doldrums? I am baffled and in a quandary. I'm not sure how these doldrums have come about, but does it matter?
Incidentally, did you know "doldrums" is actually a variable place? "An equatorial region of the Atlantic Ocean with calms, sudden storms, and light unpredictable winds." That describes the range and variability of my feelings.
"The Intertropical Convergence Zone, known by sailors as the doldrums or the calms because of its monotonous windless weather, is the area where the northeast and the southeast trade winds converge. It encircles Earth near the thermal equator though its specific position varies seasonally". Wikipedia
"Monotonous" is how I might describe what some days have become despite my weakened efforts to inject variation into them. Maybe monotonous leads to the doldrums. Whadda ya think? Whatever!
Perhaps this is how the coronavirus confinement has taken a toll on me. I will make an effort to counteract that effect by maintaining a more regular sleep schedule to dispense with this perpetual tiredness I feel during daylight hours until the sun goes down. I think, too, I will engage in some more regular indoor exercise routines I can maintain throughout our expected outdoors summer heat. Maybe that will be rejuvenating.
Life didn't seem to have these complicated feelings in previous years. On second thought, I guess the feelings were complex -- just with different complicating factors in each decade of my life. I ponder -- are these reverse sleep patterns, altered energy levels, issues characteristic of the aged?
I previously introduced Allen's Hummingbird, petite iridescent green feathered Emerald, referred to by some in chat as "Em" or "Emmie". Her second clutch of 2 eggs this year hatched this past week as expected. You may view the nestlings at this live feed:
Hummingbird Spot live video Allen's Hummingbird.
(No infringement on copyright intended per Creative Commons.)
Reflecting on why I find this bird world activity appealing, perhaps this is to compensate for the disappointment I felt when this year's Big Bear Bald Eagles clutch failed for the second consecutive year to produce living eaglets to fledge and join the wildlife world.
Seems not what might be expected -- the large strong eagles having such difficulty producing surviving offspring -- the tiny fragile-looking hummingbirds producing more than one clutch of nestlings to successfully fledge each year.
Incidentally, I notice different language is used in YouTube chat discussion of these opposite in size bird species. Maybe it's simply a matter of academic versus laymen verbiage. The Bald Eagle folks awaiting eggs to hatch refer to that process as a "Pip Watch". Pip referred to the eaglets making that first shell break to eventually hatch, often emerging over a long period of time, from inside their egg.
The hummingbird folks are writing about a "Hatch Watch". Those baby birds emerge soon after the first break usually. For both bird species it's all the same process but having not researched the intricacies of bird life I don't know if there are actually some definite baby bird development differences inside the shell between the two besides the size of their eggs.
I've wondered if my attraction to periodically visit these birds may well be prompted by my desire to seek feeling the enthusiasms for living that new life brings, whatever our species?
Questions seem to occupy my thoughts presently, when I review the topics I wrote about this week. More questions not mentioned here are also prevalent in my mind, including about my own future. Do you think about your future?
I query what is the cause of my doldrums? Then I wonder what is attracting me to hatching birds -- the promises that new birth, youth, offer for the future? They also serve as distractions from the everyday world.
Do you sometimes find yourself caught up in self-reflection, muddling about in your mind about what you do and wondering why? Maybe it's the isolation from others that brings this on. Are you attracted to seeking positive offerings and life-affirming promises for the future? A good dose of humor usually enters into this mix for me, too.