DOLDRUMS
Have these coronavirus days brought on the doldrums for me? Doldrums are described in Google quotes as "a state or period of inactivIty, stagnation -- a spell of listlessness or despondency, blues -- a state of bafflement, quandary".
I think of being in the doldrums as less than being depressed -- perhaps just a matter of degree. I'm wondering if that might describe my state of being? One of the manifesting symptoms for me is I haven't been blogging as much. My sleep patterns have been topsy turvy, but is that because I'm in the doldrums or am I in the doldrums because of my sleeping issues?
Also, I wonder has the vagrant continuing to periodically violate my property I've previously written about here triggered my subconscious self to heightened alertness levels upsetting my sleep? Even though consciously I am not fretting about possible concerns given my security measures, has this ultimately evolved into my developing the doldrums? I am baffled and in a quandary. I'm not sure how these doldrums have come about, but does it matter?
Incidentally, did you know "doldrums" is actually a variable place? "An equatorial region of the Atlantic Ocean with calms, sudden storms, and light unpredictable winds." That describes the range and variability of my feelings.
"The Intertropical Convergence Zone, known by sailors as the doldrums or the calms because of its monotonous windless weather, is the area where the northeast and the southeast trade winds converge. It encircles Earth near the thermal equator though its specific position varies seasonally". Wikipedia
"Monotonous" is how I might describe what some days have become despite my weakened efforts to inject variation into them. Maybe monotonous leads to the doldrums. Whadda ya think? Whatever!
Perhaps this is how the coronavirus confinement has taken a toll on me. I will make an effort to counteract that effect by maintaining a more regular sleep schedule to dispense with this perpetual tiredness I feel during daylight hours until the sun goes down. I think, too, I will engage in some more regular indoor exercise routines I can maintain throughout our expected outdoors summer heat. Maybe that will be rejuvenating.
Life didn't seem to have these complicated feelings in previous years. On second thought, I guess the feelings were complex -- just with different complicating factors in each decade of my life. I ponder -- are these reverse sleep patterns, altered energy levels, issues characteristic of the aged?
BIRD LANGUAGE
I previously introduced Allen's Hummingbird, petite iridescent green feathered Emerald, referred to by some in chat as "Em" or "Emmie". Her second clutch of 2 eggs this year hatched this past week as expected. You may view the nestlings at this live feed:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3HDROQc2eU
Hummingbird Spot live video Allen's Hummingbird.
(No infringement on copyright intended per Creative Commons.)
Reflecting on why I find this bird world activity appealing, perhaps this is to compensate for the disappointment I felt when this year's Big Bear Bald Eagles clutch failed for the second consecutive year to produce living eaglets to fledge and join the wildlife world.
Seems not what might be expected -- the large strong eagles having such difficulty producing surviving offspring -- the tiny fragile-looking hummingbirds producing more than one clutch of nestlings to successfully fledge each year.
Incidentally, I notice different language is used in YouTube chat discussion of these opposite in size bird species. Maybe it's simply a matter of academic versus laymen verbiage. The Bald Eagle folks awaiting eggs to hatch refer to that process as a "Pip Watch". Pip referred to the eaglets making that first shell break to eventually hatch, often emerging over a long period of time, from inside their egg.
The hummingbird folks are writing about a "Hatch Watch". Those baby birds emerge soon after the first break usually. For both bird species it's all the same process but having not researched the intricacies of bird life I don't know if there are actually some definite baby bird development differences inside the shell between the two besides the size of their eggs.
I've wondered if my attraction to periodically visit these birds may well be prompted by my desire to seek feeling the enthusiasms for living that new life brings, whatever our species?
QUESTIONS
Questions seem to occupy my thoughts presently, when I review the topics I wrote about this week. More questions not mentioned here are also prevalent in my mind, including about my own future. Do you think about your future?
I query what is the cause of my doldrums? Then I wonder what is attracting me to hatching birds -- the promises that new birth, youth, offer for the future? They also serve as distractions from the everyday world.
Do you sometimes find yourself caught up in self-reflection, muddling about in your mind about what you do and wondering why? Maybe it's the isolation from others that brings this on. Are you attracted to seeking positive offerings and life-affirming promises for the future? A good dose of humor usually enters into this mix for me, too.
I think that all Seniors who are in retirement who had a regular schedule before the pandemic and who had to give that up for a kind of house arrest, are either in the doldrums or depressed. I was unable to focus and read, my favourite pastime, and my Shrink said that it was a common feature among all seniors then due to anxiety about the pandemic. He prescribed some supplements and in a short while, I was back to being able to read.
ReplyDeleteSelf reflections and muddling about in my mind is true in my case too and I think that this is the new normal till the pandemic goes away.
My interest in reading, even participating in a couple zoom book clubs has waned, too, because I’m not motivated to read. I’m thinking I may also be readjusting to more of a calm after such a high pitch of craziness from our government during the prior four years.
DeleteI just read a wonderful article in the NYT about how the sustained stress of the pandemic has altered not only our physical lives, but our emotional and mental lives as well. It has also interfered with the way we make and store memories. Scientists/psychologists are studying how this time may have a lasting effect on how we live forever once this pandemic has finally gone.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I have had lots of moments of questioning and looking for motivation behind my behaviours. I have found daily journaling--at a set time each day--to be immensely helpful and enlightening. I've "written my way toward" answers many, many times.
I, too, write some into Word just for my own self though not a regular journaling as you describe. As I mentioned to Ramana, it occurs to me now that life is a bit calmer after the previous four years of government madness perhaps I’m readjusting.
DeleteAh yes, doldrums perfectly describes most of my days. Yikes, like you I really need to get out of these bestilled waters. Not positive what is causing which but it is definitely there. Move Patti.
ReplyDeleteStarted watching the hummer on the tiniest nest possible and will go back to finish. Wow.
I think our uncertain future is a cause of a lot of problems. It seems to change daily as science makes more inroads to what we can expect for tomorrow.
Uncertainties do, indeed, impact my thinking, too, with wondering about the future. All the more reason to live in each day though can sometimes be easier said than done.
DeleteSeeing the hummingbird, eggs, nestlings size in relation to those Christmas tree colored light bulbs is fascinating to me.
I think the symptoms you mention - erratic sleep patterns, altered energy levels, feeling in the doldrums etc - are indeed a feature of ageing. I experience all those things, but I don't worry about them, I just move on. Indoor exercise routines might help, as you suggest.
ReplyDeleteReassuring to know others experience this, too. Usually I’ve been able to move on but sometimes seems everything catches up to me.
DeleteThank you for writing about doldrums and the offerings of birds. Ever since getting my second Moderna shot, I have been sleeping much more than usual at night as well as during the day. Of course, I need to remember that this is the height of allergy season for me. Spring is always a challenge for me on numerous levels, including three emotional (grief) anniversaries that come in March, April, and May. This spring feels different in a good way. I'm letting myself sleep when I feel sleepy. I'm letting doldrums be doldrums. There is a good dose of humor involved. I can really laugh.
ReplyDeleteI can cry, too, be silent, and even sing in my own way. The birds begin singing early in the morning darkness.
"There are three ascending levels of mourning: with tears — that is the lowest. With silence — that is higher. And with a song — that is the highest." (via Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel)
So far, whatever pollens bother me seem not to have emerged yet. Hope you’re able to have minimal annoyances from yours.
DeleteThe past year did present me with some significant losses winnowing down my contacts i realize now, too. Additionally March and May have been mourning anniversaries for me, too, for a number of years. I like the concept of singing in the darkness and appreciate the Rabbi’s quote.
Now that you're mentioning this... yes. I have to fight to keep doldrums at bay. I guess that's why I've made over 400 masks this past year and given them away. My blood pressure has gone up also and I don't know if it's due to changes in habit or what. Or maybe just aging. I don't know.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe the hummingbird made her nest on Christmas lights. Oh my gosh!
Making masks sounds beneficial to many others as well as yourself. Difficult to figure out what causes what sometimes.
DeleteSame here. For me it feels like a period of adjustment, learning to living with a new normality, acceptance vs. rejection (which is affecting my sleep pattern) and digging deep into forgotten reservoirs of skills. We (I) have been so used to instant explanations and resolutions, my too much so. I personally believe we are wasting our time and energy waiting for a return to "what has been". And some I have already forgotten.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think we’ll return to previous life styles but instead we are establishing a new one as you say. Some activities may remain the same, but others will be different.
Delete“When life seems gray
ReplyDeleteAnd short of fizz
It seems that way
Because it is.”
- Margaret Fishback
This little poem summarizes Shelter in Place so perfectly for me, and I think a lot of people are hitting the doldrums now when it seems that an end may be in sight. We are just so tired of never going anywhere or doing anything, not seeing anyone, and there is that underlying stress associated with the idea of actually going and doing and seeing, so it makes it feel kind of weird to look forward to things. That’s where I am at least.
Hang in there. Indoor exercise would be a great idea, maybe a gentle yoga video?
This poem sums life up presently! Thanks for stopping up and sharing your thoughts. I think your observation about the contrasts in the situation quite fitting.
DeleteI don't think about my future much at all. At my age I am in the final stages of an ongoing present, and that's enough for me. It is highly unlikely that I will be here twenty years from now. In the meantime I have lots to occupy me, both intellectually and physically, and I greet every day with joy.
ReplyDeleteThat’s the way to live and how I basically feel — glad to be alive even during the doldrums.
Delete