Friday, June 08, 2018

BLOGGING SAGA PART II -- LIVING IN PLACE

This is a continuation of my previous post regarding the five month time lapse before I resumed writing here.  I mentioned some of my medical travails during part of that time. Since then I happened to view an episode of the old TV show "Laugh-In" that featured so many funny one-liners.  This one seemed apropos:  "A new hospital has opened - Our Lady of Perpetual Maintenance."    

Now that I’m pretty much on the home stretch of resuming a more energetic life style once again, I think — I’ve been reflecting on my ongoing grand “living in place” experiment.   As committed as I am to this type of independent living, there continue to be times when I wonder if I might want to reconsider the advantages of living in a retirement community offering all levels of care, or maybe just move into a smaller condo or an apartment ultimately to go into an assisted living environment, if needed.  Then, I remember the giving up some independence aspects -- do I really want to do that? 

Shortly before the new year my daughter who lives on the east coast surprised me that she would be visiting me which contributed to my months delay in writing here.  Her long holiday weekend darting in and out, her connecting with old friends to celebrate new year's eve, still allowed for us to have a most enjoyable time together.  She provided some first hand guidance on my adapting to my new MAC, from previously using Windows.

Digital and Internet is an area that is mostly "tech gurued' for me by her younger brother.  Once she returned home she's been in the process of changing employment from her decade long previous position, plus moving, now, too, but will continue to reside on the opposite coast from me.   Who knows when we'll manage time together again, but when we do she receives my undivided attention.  

Then, last month, my son who lives in the Midwest surprised me, also, and spent a whole week with me -- more excuse for my not blogging.   He’s been establishing himself with his own business, having left his decade-plus-longtime employer.  He is able to provide his services remotely, so when he learned while here that an unexpected deadline had arisen from one of his contracts, that simply meant we altered our activities a bit, but he could address the issues while remaining here.  I truly appreciated technological benefits in this instance.  Once again my time and attention was absorbed by his presence.   

My much slower Internet speed than my son's accustomed to did cause him to sometimes go to a nearby cafe for a faster connection.   I did get my provider to ramp the speed up as high as the older system permitted when we discovered I wasn't even getting the speed I was paying for.  Had this happen once before.  The moral is I'll periodically check my Ispeed in the future.  Meanwhile, I did get the maximum of three months refund.  The time together with my son was most productive, and fun, allowing us to  address some matters as I’ve long intended, and are continuing to resolve here.   

Still, I reason, continuing to live on my own, I have been able to rise to the occasion as my needs have presented me with new challenges.  I acquiesced to acquiring a new “foul-weather friend” -- my buddy, an attractive shiny blue cane for the period when I've needed a little support.   Another first for me with this most recent health challenge was on one occasion requiring I use a special local area transportation system for a medical appointment.  

My advance planning, years ago, by signing up for the privilege of using an area  inexpensive “Get About” taxi was in place for just such an occasion when I decided my driving that day would be unsafe.   Also, my pharmacy effectively provided my first, and so far only experience using them for same day home delivery of needed products.  One pharmacy, only a city block away, offers a drive-thru I’ve appreciated using on more than one occasion in the past when exiting the car to go inside seemed just too much.  

Years ago when my husband was no longer able to do our gardening we had to hire a gardening service which I’ve subsequently continued using, necessitated by very tall  privacy hedges that must be cut.   So, on one occasion when I thought I might best hire my next door young neighbor (recently learned they're moving) to place my large greenery recycle bin at the curb that the gardeners had previously filled, another neighbor spotted me in our drive and spontaneously came across the street to move the bin there for me.  I’ve since been able to resume that weekly task moving any one, or all three of the various two-wheeled containers we have — one for garbage, one for greenery, and one for recyclables.  

I haven’t yet needed to utilize groceries home delivery from several nearby stores where I routinely shop, but have confidence their staples, increasing choices of deli items, fresh fruit and other produce their staff would select will be satisfactory.   I do have available a local “Girl Friday” I had occasion to use once in the past who is able to provide a variety of services.  There's always the Internet on which everything and more can be ordered from a variety of web sites for posthaste delivery.   

I’ve not used restaurant home deliveries, (other than recalling the pizza our family used to periodically order), but any number of local eateries are increasingly offering that service as are websites offering delivery for multiple restaurants.    I did treat my son and family to a variety of restaurant fare I had him order when I visited them a few years ago which was most satisfactory.  I think it works best if ordering for more than just one person if I want freshly prepared food, but would be left with servings to be frozen for later, or re-heated the next day.  I don't object to doing so, or having left-overs -- in fact, some items are even better that way.

Usually when I’m ill I thrive best on very simple plain foods, so find having a ready supply in my refrigerator's freezer compartment and pantry is better than seasoned restaurant fare would likely be, ordering for just one person.  Chicken, vegetable, lentil, minestrone  soups, clam chowder with crackers, yogurts, cottage cheese, bread for toast are a few basic standby items for me.  My microwave and toaster oven are a real boon much of the time in preference to using the stove or oven, but especially when I couldn't wait to sit down again.

These experiences provide me important lessons to utilize in preparation for future unexpected occurrences.   I prefer to have given in advance some thought and consideration to how I'll manage in a variety of possible situations.  Writing down contacts, sources, any helpful information can be a wise action, especially for anyone who is the household's sole responsible party as might even be true for some couples as well as single people, widows, widowers.  

I'm paying special attention to thinking about this concept I'm practicing called  "living in place", or "aging in place" as some describe what older people are doing when they continue to live in their residences.   I'll explain in the future why my focus on this living style option.   

There are a variety of living options, so we each have to decide what is best for us.  Many factors enter into our decision-making process.  Ultimately, we may even settle for what might not be our first choice, or later we may have to alter our plans.   Accommodation and adaptation, sooner or later, are terms with which we become most familiar.   

Have you determined what sort of living arrangement you want for your older years?   Or, maybe you've already made that choice.  How's it working out?







31 comments:

  1. I am 72 and my husband is 69. We probably will keep the status quo for as long as possible. Still living in our house in Hawaii.

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    1. So, you’re living in place, too, at least for the time being. I wonder if you’ve had any passing thoughts about what you would want to do if circumstances might alter for either of you?

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  2. You're well-situated in that you've prepared for your life stage. In many ways, Connected Seniors are so much more fortunate than their early 20th century counterparts. The Internet provides a great deal of services with a few keystrokes or touches of a screen.

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    1. So true, Nance. Significant gains in services in my lifetime, especially in the past 30 years that I’ve observed in my So Cal community.

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  3. A long post just proofed on me. Drat drat drat.

    Back later.

    XO
    WWW

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  4. Good for you, Joared, getting it all figured out for yourself! Hunky Husband and I plan to age-in-place (we are in our low 80s, now). Neither of us wants to be surrounded by people. If longevity within our families is any indicator, he should outlive me by about 15 years; so, I try to keep the house in great shape (physically) so that it won't fall down around his unwary head. (He takes after his father in not noticing that anything needs doing around his house.)
    Cop Car
    Cop Car

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    1. I can see where keeping the house in good physical condition would be an asset if either of you expect to continue living there. (-; Family longevity history worth noting, but you may well stick around longer than your family has in past, so keep in best shape you can — set a family record — somebody willl, might as well be you.

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    2. Thanks, Joared. Elder Brother and I have already set records. *laughing*
      CC

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  5. Oops, my reply just vanished too. I think Blogger wants a very short post. So in brief, retirement villages were once seen as a horrible last resort, but now I see many people getting a new lease of life when they enter a good one, especially if they were struggling or lonely at home. Watching others, I think they do better if they don't leave it too late. What do you think?

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    1. Retirement communities are a good fit for many people. Probably moving into them while quite active has advantages for establishing a social network. Being accepted for admittance can be less likely, probably cost more when person older, possibly has more medical issues. If levels of care are desired, then there is the assurance of that which is important for some people. That’s why it’s wise for individuals to consider the pros and cons for them in terms of how and where they want to live in their later years. Other factors come into play, obviously, and a major one is financial. I provided services in some of the better ones in our area which helped inform my view for myself, but for years I’ve been pretty committed to remaining in my home. My efforts years earlier had been to support my mother living in place in a 50+ mobile home development after she moved here to Southern Calif. She said she missed having the stimulation of a variety of ages in the community, not that she would have welcomed younger people or children if not supervised by their families.

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    2. Choosing one is a major mission, but you have clearly had good inside information, thanks to your work, to help you make your decision.

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  6. As you probably know, I live with my son and daughter in love in my own home which will be inherited by my son after I go. I am now 75 and keep wondering whether I should move into an old peoples's home so that before I become a burden to my children, I move out. They however think that I am being daft! This is however a cultural thing and different from your situation.

    I am also delighted that you have moved to a Mac. Speed of the internet is managed by my son who too works from home and so I have the advantage of a resident Tech Assistant!

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    1. Deciding what’s best can be challenging since we generally don’t know what our future health status will be and that is a significant issue. Many factors enter into making a decision as you describe. I, too, have not wanted to be a burden to my children though each has wanted me to move across country to be closer to them. At best, we can make a list of the pros and cons for each of our options — perhaps be appreciative if we even have options since many people do not.

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  7. You seem to have adapted to your changing personal circumstances in a very practical and effective fashion. A drive-through pharmacy is handy, we don't have those over here. Good that you've had so much time with your son and daughter. "Our Lady of Perpetual Maintenance" - I love it.

    Jenny and I have given little thought to what adjustments we might have to make as the years progress. I guess we're just hoping that for the time being we'll both remain healthy and won't have to think about the future for a while.

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    1. We’re adapting one way or another throughout our lives, so wise to make it easy as possible, I think.

      My mother’s aging needs years ago prompted me to make little mental notes as I went along about how prepared we were if we needed to cope with various issues. Then, my husband retired a year early with increasing health issues. I could see what lay ahead so could gradually note other types of needs to be aware of, rectify, if possible, as we went along. Suddenly becoming a widow introduced more possible needs, some of which materialized.

      Takes little time and effort to make mental notes and be aware, but pays dividends to my way of thinking to be ready for what might occur. I already knew if either of us could remain in this house under various circumstances, or if we were left alone, then, my husband suddenly died. I had previously noted what services I might need, whether they were available and could I use them. So, I found out how well some of them worked for me with this upset I wrote about — how to fine tune it for the future if needed again.


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  8. Since we both turn 72 this year, we've been thinking about this a lot. The farm is not viable for us as old folks, although with help, it might be. It also is 25 miles from doctors on roads with log trucks for competition. The Tucson house is more feasible, all on one level, close to everything and yet private with its desert around it but it would mean moving everything like driver's licenses etc. to a new state and finding doctors down there where we've had ours in one clinic up here for over 40 years now. A lot to consider and all you have been figuring out has been on our mind. I realized on our last time in Tucson that the size of garbage cans they give us would be too much for me to get up and down the relatively steep driveway. Little things but they would add up. I also prefer to live independently with paying for services as are needed-- even that Visiting Angels sounds good. These are all the things we've been debating with no firm answers other than not the farm probably, but I think our son wants that, which also takes some figuring out... and then that'd mean the change of states if it's permanent in Tucson... Nothing is ever without cost.

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    1. I can appreciate some of the challenges you’re having to sort out, Rain. Even as much as I’m committed to living in place, I recognize there could be, probably health issues any of us could experience, that would totally turn my expectations upside down. So, my plan is a bit of a gamble, but so is life to some extent.

      Sounds like you’re living your life now, as you should, but are tuned into gathering the info that will inform your decision when the time comes you decide to make it. I agree, there are trade offs — a big one for me has been not being closer to my children, but they live many states apart from each other, too. Lots of factors for you to consider but becoming aware of them, as you seemed to be, is what I consider to be a major step toward reaching your best decisions. This is all just common sense most of us know and practice, but sometimes we can get sidetracked from doing what we know we need to do. Would be so much easier if there was a choice that embodied everything we want.






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    2. eek, my post had a major typo lol must have been wishful thinking. We turn 75 this year :)

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  9. We just returned home from a visit to my father, who will be 90 next January. It would be an unerstatement to say that he is fiercely independent.
    He sold his house 20+ years ago after he had refurbished the ground floor into a one bedroom apartment. The new buyers were a young couple who have been friends of our family for many years. They bought the house under the condition that my father has the right to live in the ground floor apartment and use the garden for as long as he wants to (I am not sure what the correct legal term is in English, usufruct?). He pays his running costs only (electricity, water etc.).
    In this way, he is where he wants to be but doesn't have to look after repairs and taxes etc.

    He had some health issues, so far (touc wood) mostly temporary ones, which involved daily visits from a health care service and/or GP and he has fianlly agreed to wear an emergency bracelet at all times. He hates meals on wheels and only accepts food delivery when he is too unwell to go out. He uses a four wheel mobility scooter (with a seat and a basket) to get into town, go for meals, concerts, museums etc. and do his shopping. It took some persuading but he clearly loves the fact that this way he can cut out parking and walking from the car to the shop/restaurant etc. and back. If he uses his car, he brings two walking sticks along.
    Driving is an issue due to his diminishing eye sight and we shall cross this bridge in the near future. But for now, he is out and about every day and has a long list of commitments and clubs and cafes and restaurants to visit where all the stuff greet him by name.
    Yesterday, we set up a first program for his 90th birthday celebrations and he is already mayking plans for his 100th one.

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    1. Your father sounds pretty amazing and an inspiration. Enjoy the birthday!

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    2. Thanks for sharing those details about your father’s arrangements for how he has wanted to live in his older years. Certainly demonstrates what is possible. I don’t know the legal term for what you describe but anyone wanting to explore such an arrangement can investigate with an attorney.

      I’ve considered the possibility of having someone share my home with various considerations, but not now, maybe in the future. Trying to make a similar arrangement for my mother years ago revealed doing so presented numerous complications. Laws governing this probably vary from state to state here in the U.S. we would want to thoroughly examine.

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  10. So glad you are back blogging. I've had my share of illnesses and operations over the years but am currently, at age 85, doing very well and continue to live alone. I do a low-key warm-up routine every morning, try to eat well & stay active and keep my mind alert with a nightly crossword puzzle. I plan to do the same for as long as it lasts !!

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    1. I’m pleased to hear how successfully your living in place has been. Does behoove us to up the ante abit, so to speak, in keeping as physically fit as we can. I’ve been neglectful in performing regular exercise and really need to make such an activity routine. Stimulating the brain with new ideas, engaging in differing activities of some sort is really important, too.

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  11. weird-my reply disappeared mid stream.....

    anyhow, I got lucky. After my divorce, I fell in love with a man 16 years younger than me, and he in love with ME. So as long as nothing unusually awful happens to me, he's taking really good care of this old, batty lady. :) Again, SUPER lucky.

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    1. The age difference could make a difference in how you and he might think about later years -- a perfect example of how such thoughts about our futures are unique to each of us.

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  12. This post meant much to me
    I have been sharing the last year or two a lot of my thoughts
    on arriving to the age of 80. Past winter tried a independent place near my daughter in Nashville, beautiful but food awful. Like my own food and in this place lost 5 lbs I did not need to lose in a week. So back to my cottage by the woods and still have
    so many thoughts about this stage of life. Love it here and now
    more help is needed as I always did everything outside and now cannot. So one day at a time and hoping a long stretch is not ahead of me...

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    1. Ah-h-h, your experience does inform those of us living independently and those who are making decisions about how and where to live as we get older. I know from reading your blog posts how challenging these times have been for you. I can certainly appreciate your desire to remain in your “cottage in the woods”. I note that one significant key to your being able to do so is the availability of rthe help you need. I think this is one of the major issues most of us, if not all, encounter that we must seriously consider when we choose where to live.

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  13. The remainder of my time will likely be spent living with my daughter as she has been diagnosed with the HD that took her mother. Luckily I have Charter cable internet and it starts these days at an unfiltered 200Mbps

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    1. I expect your daughter appreciates having you there with her though I'm sure these were not the circumstances either of you would have wanted. I do hope you both have all the support and help needed. Don't lose sight of the fact that in order for caregivers to be able to best care for their loved ones they must take good care of themselves, too -- sometimes easier said than done.

      I could get cable without TV (which I don't want, as I prefer my Antenna TV) for a faster speed, but I'd still have to pay the same high rate as if I had TV. You will hoot and holler when I tell you my Internet speed max is less than 10Mbps -- that's right, only one zero there! You can imagine how long some downloads take. Oh well, we make our choices.

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