Mama Jackie brings in a live fish -
gives new meaning to sushi's sashimi.Cookie
whines, then feeding begins also with Simba.Papa Shadow arrives with another fish.Eaglets are rapidly growing in size -- dark feathers appear to be emerging
from fluffy fuzz.Weather conditions have been trending cooler
than normal with periodic wind and unusual rain for May.Quick real-time glances of the nest I’ve
taken during stormy times reveal parental efforts to shelter eaglets but they’re
much larger now and generally are exposed.
*** A question that persists for me:
Is there something fishy continuing in the White House to undermine our democracy with the effort to centralize power there by weakening the other government branches coupled with neutralizing journalists (Fourth Estate) who report facts and truth?
***
What If ..... If Only ..... Revisited .....
My recent May 5th post and
comments querying whether or not a spouse affects what one thinks of as success
reminded me of this. This is a refresh with some editing of a July 2007 post.
Occasionally through the years, in moments of contemplation, I've
thought about how an individual’s life might be different from the one they
have, based on circumstantial changes in their activities, events, residences,
other variables, earlier in their life.
What if, at various times, anywhere along the way, the twists
and turns of choices and changes affecting them were made in directions other
than the ones they did experience, thus leading to different outcomes or
destinations?
I don't think about this for myself, generally, from a sense of regret. I think
about it more from a standpoint of curiosity. I wonder how others view that
question? I've thought, wouldn't life be interesting if we could just put on
hold whatever our existence was at a given time. Then, we could go off on an
alternate route, full well knowing we could come back to the place we were
before if we chose, then resume life where we left off. I guess that would require a quite different life dimension for each of us since we would be affecting so many other lives. Perhaps that could be possible ..... in science fiction.
As for myself, I experienced events at four or five years of age I would like
to have avoided on both a personal and family level. An accident that comes to mind I only recall based on the details my mother described to me. I was perched behind the rider's seat reveling in the moment when my foot became entangled with the spokes of a moving bicycle wheel. The wheel spokes penetrated my
ankle, though thankfully left me with only a large scar present yet today. What
if... I hadn’t tried to find a foot rest for my tired dangling little legs, which resulted in me instead catching my foot in those bicycle spokes?
What if, some other changes, experiences, relocations, in my life hadn't
occurred? For example: What if... my birth family had remained intact? My experience of having my birth father remaining in our home could have offered me a different perspective on relationships.
What if... I had grown up and stayed in my birth city, or even the same state? My
circle of friends might have continued to be more centered on those there. I did retain one life long friend until she died a couple years ago, even though we had both left. But all the other friends I’ve made in subsequent relocations around the country I would never have known.
What if... my mother had not had some of the medical/sensory problems
she developed? My life would have been affected differently
if she had been able to return to her
teaching profession, or even expanded differently on her other skills and artistic talents.
What if... I had been able to continue my music, dancing
classes, develop other potential career interests and attend the private
university to which I aspired? My life career choices might have been quite
different.
What if... I had never lived for a few years in the country exposed to nature as a major companion?My appreciation and understanding of the environment and nature might
stem from quite a different perspective as a primarily city girl.
What if... I hadn't had to give away my dog when we moved?
My memory would be relieved of that emotional loss that I feel yet today.
What if... I had been allowed to accept the offer to ride a horse in Tucson, Arizona's annual western parade in that southwestern state to which we had just moved across country? I would
have treasured memories -- assuming there were no incidents with which this
inexperienced rider might have had to cope – which is why my mother didn’t give
me permission. She apologized for this in later life – but I reassured her she probably
made the wise decision.
What if... a generous family member hadn’t offered to loan me
the money to attend college in a day when there were no community colleges, scholarships
were limited, student loans were unavailable? I was so determined I would have explored
other means. I recall that included the possibility of enlisting in a branch of the
armed forces, despite the negative attitude of some in that time toward women in the military.
What if... I hadn't made what later seemed like foolish mistakes on
occasion? What if... I hadn't had those
instances in speaking when I "put my foot in my mouth"? What if... I hadn’t met some of the people
I’ve met, or I had met some others I didn’t meet? What if... so many more "what ifs"
that I could mention.
There is one interesting observation I've made over the years whenever I’ve
heard most people engage in "What if...?" speculation as I've mentioned here previously. Invariably,
whatever the past event or previous experience about which they are
speculating, their assumption is that the result would have turned out better
for them, "If only ...?"
How would my life have been different “if only…”? Would my life have been “better” – whatever that
means?I wonder, do others ever consider
the possibility the consequences just might have been much less desirable when
they envision their “What if…” and "If only..."scenario?
Memories come to mind
of my Mother born into the predominantly agrarian nineteenth century and her
transition from living in a farming community into the twentieth century industrial
world. I first shared some of these
thoughts on Mother’s Day in 2009.
These days when so many experience
difficulties encountered as a consequence of a nation and world with such
wealth inequity, coupled with government upheavals – nations moving away from
democracy -- are unlike any in my lifetime. I often wonder what my mother would
have to say on the subjects.
Mother become a young married woman during the
twenty’s heydays preceding the Great Depression. I recall her descriptions of a
none too easy early married life though that evolved into a more prosperous
existence in their later married years as occurs with many couples.
She said the hardships during the depression’s financial downturn did not
directly adversely affect our family. The
challenging years occurred before I was born later in her life. Our immunity to severe hardship was primarily
because my father’s work was associated with the newspaper business. Newspapers
were the primary source of news, so they were in much demand by almost everyone
regardless of their financial situation. In fact, two of the most prominent
state newspapers were vying for his distribution services.
Radio was just beginning with unprecedented broadcasting power thanks to Powell
Crosley and the ultimate “Nation’s Station” WLW in Cincinnati, Ohio. “Constructed
to sell the radios his factory produced, WLW became the most powerful AM broadcast
station ever licensed for use in the U.S.”Years later they were prominent in television broadcasting including
presenting talk shows before networks adopted them.This was the several state broadcasting group
that had been sold to another corporation with which I was ultimately associated.
Those early years in
my life I recall we enjoyed some radio programs selectively chosen by my mother
– lots of music, some drama, comedies and news. There
was no TV yet during my mother’s young midlife years, much less computers and
the Internet of today. Newspapers were a primary source listing employment
opportunity for those seeking work. People placed ads to sell belongings so
they could raise some desperately needed cash while others with limited cash
sought bargain prices as they needed these items but had little money
themselves. Everyone wanted to subscribe or at least access a newspaper. This
is hardly the situation that exists today in the newspaper business.
In fact, more and more
local newspapers are ceasing publication leaving serious questions about the
implications for democracy. These community
publications serve as monitors of local governments, investigating as needed, distributing
news to a local populace likely not disseminated otherwise.Even any local radio stations once a news
source generally no longer are. News staffs for ordinary local news in the multitude
of this nation’s small communities are typically non-existent.Think about available sources of local news
in your own community.
During the Depression my mother continued to be active in her women’s church
group. They devoted themselves to helping others in need, an activity in which
she engaged for many of those years and throughout her lifetime when she was
able. In those years after the
Depression when Mother unexpectedly was on her own with our young family there
was a holiday in which we became the needy recipients of aid as she had provided
others.
A few years after I was born our fortunes had changed and my mother had become
a single parent in a time when a woman raising a family alone found life could
be very difficult. My immediate family had never lived extravagantly, but as I
entered my early childhood years, I was absorbing from observing my mother the
lessons of needing to be even more practical and frugal. I was also
learning everyone, including women, needed to be able to provide for themselves
and even others for whom they might have to assume complete responsibility –
that this could occur quite unexpectedly.
Mother was a remarkable woman who in her later years in the face of other adversity,
when she became legally blind and limited in visual activities, created unique multi-colored
hooked rugs that became unexpectedly desired by others who even wanted to purchase them. Her vision prevented her from
quilting, sewing or making other fabric or fiber items she had once enjoyed
creating.She had simply wanted
something to occupy her, keeping her awake while she listened to what was then
called “Talking Books”, long before audio books were available today.
My mother had an
amazingly optimistic and positive attitude toward life. She made multiple
transitions and adaptations to her varying circumstances. I marvel at how well
she coped as she lived happily independently most of her remaining almost 90
years. My brother and I were able to assist her being able to do so though not
to the extent we might have wished.I
miss her and wish I could have her company in my aging years.We would probably have our moments of irritation
with each other for one reason or another.There would also be lots of laughs.We would be good housemates together and have so much to talk about.
