Sunday, May 05, 2019

SPOUSE AFFECTS SUCCESS -- SPINNING -- EAGLETS


Big Bear Bald Eaglets Report

One eaglet appears to be a bit larger than the other (Cookie and Simba), more dominant, occasionally pecks at the smaller one that generally defers.  Both parents (Jackie and Shadow) actively feed them with initially fresh fish that then lays around unrefrigerated a day or more, also they’ve provided at least one large unlucky black feathered bird for diet variety.   I couldn’t help noticing the eaglets have an efficient powerful rapid propulsion system for excretion which seems to have been operative since birth --keeps the nest perpetually clean as they maneuver to aim their derrieres outward before firing. 

See previous April posts here for eaglets history and details.

Live 24/7 Video Cam:    https://youtu.be/5b2dUgK6VV4


Election-Barr-Mueller

Insuring 2020 Election integrity needs to be the focus of our government, but our President does not appear to be concerned about securing this basic foundation -- if his intent is to retain our democracy.    
Since when is it acceptable for a foreign government, Russia or any other one, to interfere in our elections, much less to be invited to do so under any circumstances -- to cavalierly dismiss National Security reports of such activity in deference to an offending leader's denial? 

Meanwhile.....
Is the Attorney General Barr “spinning” Mueller Report facts rather than representing the actual investigations as revealed and would be in the best interests of the American people?   

Barr’s credibility is crimped as he appears to have disregarded Mueller’s concerns.
   “The Special Counsel states that “while this report does not conclude that the President       committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him.” 

Mueller Reportthis link to the 18 page summary Mueller intended for the public to see.


Spouse Affects Success

I’ve been thinking about what a friend from long ago, who renewed our contact in recent years, wrote me after reflecting on life.  The friend stated, “It must be the person you choose to marry can hinder or help your success in life.”   This was said within the context of comparing their present standard of living in old age with that of another with whom they had been on a par from childhood.    Both were in long term monogamous marriages though only one’s spouse is still living. 

This research study by Solomon and Jackson in PsychologicalScience indicates a spouse’s personality does influence occupational success and “important aspects of one’s professional life.” 

I think the person we marry can have a profound effect on an individual’s “success” in life, but many other factors can matter, too, I believe.   How success is defined has some bearing as do the criteria we apply.  I think in this instance my friend was referring to primarily financial factors, perhaps questioning not being in a more lucrative position these later years than might have been desired. 

My experience is that my career work goals were altered in adjusting to those of my spouse, when major distant geographical moves were required just as I had accepted a position in a long-desired organization.    Though I had to give up that position, I determined after time passed and a couple moves that it was best to change to a different profession but stayed in the communication-related field.   Actually, despite significant investment, I likely benefited in the long run from making this change.   

On the other hand, in this new career to me, a variety of family matters and spousal effects limited my having the flexibility to assume work-related responsibilities which would have allowed me to progress to higher level positions and salary.  I have no regrets about all these  choices I made as they were a matter of my adapting to accommodate factors I considered to be of primary importance in my life, so in that sense proved to be successful. 

I know of other couples whose path was different.  In one instance, both parents were able to maximize their career goals by being able to accept only positions in the same geographical area, as they moved from coast to coast, that would enhance the career of each -- with one even writing an academic book accepted for publication. 

Another childless couple accepted living in different locations, so were separated from one another for a period of years, but they got together regularly during that time as they each pursued the avenues their career goals prescribed to achieve their desired success. 

Seems to me ageism and forced early retirement can adversely affect some attempting to prepare for a comfortable older-years life.    Numerous other unexpected situations impacting each spouse and any children can develop such as illness, family member issues, divorce to name a few.
  
What are your thoughts about a spouse/partner hindering or helping achieve your view of success for a desired comfortable older age life?   

20 comments:

  1. Political spinning goes both ways and I think some of how we see it is based on from where we get news, our past experiences, and how we think things should be done. What gets me with the left is how the same words get used over and over when a spin goes out. Do they get a report? I am sure the right does the same thing.

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    1. Yes, spinning does go on but is not acceptable from the Attorney General and Justice Dept.

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    2. No, it would not be (if it happened) but if someone thinks it happened, will depend on where they get their news. Remember when Eric Holder said on a show, "I'm still ... I'm still the President's wing-man, so I'm there with my boy. So we'll see." I think so much of how someone sees this today or then is dependent on their opinions to begin and then where they are told what to think. That could be right wing media or left wing. As for that not existing on the left...

      Where I am not on either side, I see the whole thing as frustrating and more of a bubble issue than I ever remember in my many years of following politics. I didn't watch Barr nor do I watch any of the speeches from the left or the right. I read about it later and try to find sources from both sides to get interpretations. Not many do that.

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    3. I don’t find acceptable any A.G. or Justice Dept. that spins regardless of political party affiliations, so my view in this situation has nothing to do with what any other A.,G.’s may have done — a specious argument and not an excuse for this A.G. We don’t rob banks just because someone else did. :-). So, I have no difficulty taking a position on this matter and find opposing arguments about what somebody else did simply trying to muddy the water, distract people from the real issue. As you describe what you do, some people do use their own reasoning which I think we all would want to do.

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    4. My point though is from where do you get your information that he lied. I saw the clips and what he said didn't strike me as a lie. Just because I may not like someone's policies doesn't mean I will find fault OR defend what he did. I always hear the argument that we can't bring up what happened before as it's meaningless. It's not if at that time, it was okay with the person since it was their side. If we are open to both sides, we won't like either doing wrong, but if it was okay then or we remained silent, then we aren't open to both sides.

      I do not think that Barr lied. I also don't think he was defending Trump who he barely knew before the took the office. I think he is defending the office of the presidency. That's why he took the job. Remember he was a friend of Mueller's of 30+ years and their wives are friends or were. I think he saw a more important issue. Now someone can disagree with that, but the left is claiming he's Trump's wing man (not using that term)and it's being repeated on all the left media sites, which does include NPR.

      At any rate, I am far more interested in the issues the dems will be running on and paying a lot more attention to that then the coming impeachment of Trump, which I think is inevitable given how rabid most on the left are for it to happen and I don't mean the leaders but those who pay a lot of attention to politics and want Trump kicked out. I cannot go to FB without being bombarded with probable troll memes about it (admittedly most of my friends there are on the left). I feel like fine, get it out of their system but it's not likely to kick him out and if it does, they get Pence, who actually is a religious ideologue.

      My interest though is in what these possible next presidents actually stand for and hope that the dems make them declare themselves instead of run on-- vote for me because I'm not him. I want to know their plans and how they'll pay for it as the debt can't keep escalating without more dollars being printed and them being of less value to us all (you do know that's how they pay for it). It's why we could buy a home for under $15,000 in Portland in the late '60s and today, you'd be lucky to get that house for under $500,000. Dollars losing value and most Americans don't have a clue what's happening as there is no inflation, right? lol That debt costs people in ways they don't realize and it won't get better with either party eager to spend and not pay.

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    5. I don’t know where you read that I said Barr “lied” though he did parse his language. I’m not interested in getting into discussions using labels of left, right, etc. which can be misleading and all to often result In erroneous assumptions being made about what a person believes on other matters. Many of the other issues you mention are expansive, going well beyond the focus in this post on the A.G. and Mueller Report.

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  2. My late wife was a great support to me in my career. After our son was born, she cheerfully let her own career take the back seat and concentrated on running our household and bringing up our son as I was in a travelling occupation with an average of fifteen days a month out of the home. Sometimes, on overseas tours, that would be up to six weeks too. She played the hostess to perfection whenever the occasion arose and was very much liked by my family as well as my colleagues. Till today, she is remembered with affection by many people whose lives she had touched.

    My son's classmates and other friends treated her like a mother as most of them were living in hostels and bachelor accommodations while studying or during their early career stages and our home was open house for them. For them too she is a much remembered figure even after a decade of her death.

    I could not have achieved all that I did nor my son, and believe me, that was a great deal, had it not been for her presence in our lives.

    Leaving my personal experience aside, let me also add that I have also known cases where the opposite happened and marriages caused harm to careers and even to early retirements due to ill health.

    I suspect that it is all the luck of the draw.

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    1. Sounds like your wife definitely had a positive influence on your lives together.


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  3. Thanks for the link to Mueller's actual summary. Barr is a disgrace to our country as is all the Republicans who blindly support or so-called president.

    When we were young and picking a career path (or not) did any of us really thinking about a spouse in terms of hindrance or helping? In my observations women were expected to put their family first and let the chips fall where they might in our own jobs/careers, dropping in and out of the job market as family needs changed. Today's young women expect to have difference kind of marriages than those of us who came before them. They expect equality in parenting, household responsibilities and contributing financially. To me, any woman who is looking back and saying her spouse held her back is trying to measure her life by today's 'rules' and not those of the times in which she was most productive in. We did what was expected of us and it's not really fair to the guys to paint those choices as a negative against the spouse. Both were a product of our times.

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    1. I suppose many couples did choose to follow traditional roles of the time for whatever their reasons with more gradually adopting attitude changes in succeeding generations. Some older people may only be questioning their lives retrospectively, but not necessarily blaming a spouse for their circumstances — though some I know might rightfully do so. I do think illness, or either spouse’s personally destructive behaviors, can adversely affect the other’s life based on those I’ve known to whom those events happened. Perhaps some may question now in their old age the path they followed because they didn’t realize they could go a different route, or that unexpected events might leave them in circumstances less than what they thought they’d have. Ideally our culture should be accepting of whatever the roles individuals choose and risks people want to take. My view for myself began to form as a child from observing adult lives around me and what occurred in my own immediate family. I concluded all adults better be prepared to earn an income to provide the standard of living they wanted and for their old age as so many unpredictable circumstances could occur over which they had no control and they could have to be responsible — not only for themself but maybe others, too. This was a matter I discussed before agreeing to marry but traditional views of the time still had some influence on both of us.

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  4. I do think who you marry is important to your career, your mental health and even your physical health. So important! I was willing to give Barr the benefit, even though I felt he was prejudiced, but when he referred to the letter from Mueller's office as "snitty" and "probably" being written by an underling after all his careful parsing of prior words, he revealed his true attitude and failed the test for me.

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    1. Yes, those comments did reveal something about the man.

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  5. Trump always said he wanted his Roy Cohn - he has him. Barr believes he works for the President, not the population but more to the point, Barr and Trump both are on the same page when it comes to presidential power and authority - they are Imperial Presidency guys.

    That your spouse is a great influence on your success or lack thereof in life is what I call a blinding flash of the obvious. Lynn and I both always found decent jobs and we rarely had money issues, pretty much until Huntington's Disease destroyed our lives.In all honesty all I really wanted to be was a baseball pitcher and when it became apparent that was not going to happen my fallback was law enforcement. That was a deal breaker for Lynn - and as she had some success in the business world she for a time thought she had left me behind and outgrown me as it were.I politely suggested from that point on she should write her own memos and business plans. I had routinely done that for her for years. She then realized how much of a team we had become and we were able to move on. I routinely supported her in two separate cross country job transfers - and we were fine until HD kicked in. Perhaps had we only ever been concerned about making money things would have been different but that just wasn't us.

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    1. Barr’s belief about executive power surely seems counter to our form of government to me.

      Marriage can take negotiations and sounds like you and Lynn successfully navigated your issues. HD is a classic example of health issues that can throw an unexpected wrench in life plans that can alter future expectations. Seeing unexpected health issues and other in my own family as I was growing up influenced my perspective.

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  6. Marriage helps you discover pretty quickly if you did a good job of shopping for the right mate. I get frustrated when my sister refers to me as "lucky" that I have the husband I do.

    As far as the AG Barr situation, I have come to expect that everyone and everything that comes into contact with 45* is corrupt. It's remarkable how sad and sick these power players are.

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    1. I agree, luck selecting a marriage partner isn’t how I would describe how or why I wed the man I did. Even at that we still had much to learn about each other and we do evolve and change through the years — we had 47+ years together before he died.

      Some people will resort to all sorts of actions to seek and/or retain power not only in government but in other areas of life I.e. business, etc.

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  7. My former husband was supportive of my career, I often earned more than him but it did not entail moving. But then as a divorced women my lifestyle plummeted with two kids to raise and I have written about senior women in poverty in my latest post.

    XO
    WWW

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    1. What occurred to your lifestyle is typical of what happens to divorced women more-so than men I’ve read research shows. Certainly happened to my mother and our household and others I know.

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  8. Well, David had several setbacks in his career, but I am not sure that my personality was involved. I think it is his personality, not mine. He liked to argue with his boss a lot, and that led to his downfall.

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  9. My husband has always said, and I agree. "Having the right partner makes all the difference."

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